Model in my Mind

It is an easy thing to do, modeling.

It is easy to walk a runway wearing almost nothing.

People stare at you like the cover of a book.

So it's not a shocking thought that people might just be judging us models like a book's front cover.

It is not shocking that people think they know us.

It is like buying a book but deciding only to skim the cliff notes.

You know nothing about me.

If you walked in my shoes, would you survive? 

Do you know what it is like to eat a granola bar a day? Maybe two?

Have you ever said to yourself, "OK, I'll eat this 100 calorie bar and burn off 200 on the treadmill."   

Have you ever collapsed from lack of food?

Will you look that model in the eyes?

Can't you see when my lights went out?

There is something about modeling...

Something about everyone looking at your outside and they can't see all the broken pieces inside...

I like that.

Modeling is easy. Living is hard.

I have my good days. I have my bad ones.

I can see the flaws on myself.

Sometimes I am accepting of them,

Sometimes.. .

Sometimes....

Sometimes.... I...

I can't.

Sometimes....

There are no words for how I feel.

There are only the memories that play in my head...

"Ugly."

"Fat."

"Worthless"

People can be so cruel.
That is a fact.

I cut my hair.
You know? When things are bad?
I cut my hair.
I cut my bangs.
I'll take off length..
I'll cut a millimeter off...
Just to feel different.
Just to feel like everything is OK...

So...
Now you know something you didn't know before. Something, personal.

This
All
Makes
Me
Want
To
Cry.


This is just my story. Please,
Just Listen.