I Just Can't Wait to Be Queen

It's funny how time changes everything.

Everything is invalid.

I had it all, awesome friends, pretty, happiness.  

I lost it all, when everything was just kinda swept out from under my feet. 

I found it. 

Dear reader, if only you could see it in my head.

I see the happiness.

Truely happy, belonging.

I think what makes me happy is belonging.

But you must understand,

I don't belong.

It's a sad thing to say to yourself.

I've had this realization many times, but each time I try and prove it wrong.

Not anymore.

I'm on the verge of tears.

I can't do this anymore. 

I walk amongst people all day.

So insensitive.

So annoying.

So immature.

Not all of them. 

Some are nice. 

Not everything I hear upsets me, I'm not a pessimist by any means.

But sometimes, I snap.

It's hard to sit threw a health presentation on cutting.

Then the presenter asks the audience to answer the question,

"What is cutting?"

Can you expect me to sit there and accept the answer,

"It's...It's when you put a knife to your artieries or whatever and slice yourself and get blood everywhere and you die! Haha."

Ha. Ha. Your a funny  girl...

Home school.

Not a bad idea.

I could be a doctor by the time I'm 20 I bet. 

Oh yeah, that's right, I'm dumb. 

But at least I would be happy, right?

I wouldn't have to spend lunch in between two bookshelves reading. 

The good thing about reading, you don't have to be you.

You don't have to be anyone.

I have made a decision. World! Listen up!

I'm not going to make connections with anyone.

I'm going to fade out.

I'll have a few friends.

Half of you won't even know my name.

I'm done getting hurt, rejected, picked last.

GUESS WHAT?! It sucks. 

I'm going to do something awesome with my life.

You know what keeps me from walking out of every single class I go into?

You know what keeps my tears back?

You know what keeps me from saying, "F-you teacher!"?

I repeat to myself, "I need this education; I need to get out of here."

Ba-mm. What a life.

My life will be awesome.

I'll have a family,

I'll go to college,

I'll be a good wife,

I'll be a woman of God,

I'll be free.

I can't freaking wait.