7 Days For A Middle Class Miracle To Happen

You have seven days to walk out that door,
Never come back forever more.

Pack up all your belongings,
Or leave them all to collect dust till the new owners arrive.
I don't care how you will survive.

It doesn't mean anything to me. 

I'll throw my life into tiny blue boxes,
I'll wipe my mommy's tears,
And I'll fake a smile when I say,
"It's OK. I didn't really want to stay anyway..."

Where will we live?
Alone with no sheets?
Do you think I can crash with my long lost Aunt who lives on Misery Street?

How can you be so cruel?
I guess I will be having self invited sleepovers for quite awhile..
But I hope you will never know.
I have nowhere else to go.

It's all about how you finish..
Please, I'm not asking for any sympathy. 
I just want my mom to be able to look in my eyes without feeling so bad for me.

It's not really that bad.
So why can't she see?

I know we will be alright. 

Middle class tragedy.
Too wealthy to have to not pay for school lunches,
To poor to always bring our own.

You have seven days.
So you better get out.
I don't care how you'll survive.

It doesn't matter to me if your dead or alive.

You are just middle class; a middle class tragedy.

Look Up For Me

Not even my family will listen to me.
A stranger is more likely to do so.
But isn't that what they are?
Just strangers.

I walk by,
And sit nicely at the table.
Strange looks are thrown around as I open my mouth to speak.
But no one is really listening.

Someone look up for me.

I sit at my desk.
And I start a conversation with Sarah...
"Hey. You want to hang out sometime?"
She mumbles a, "Sure."
And continues her note writing while flirting with the TA for our class.

I'm pushed to the side,
But in reality I haven't moved an inch.
Just a cold shoulder putting miles in between us.   

Someone look up for me..

I stand among my fellow coaches,
While trying to make a little boy listen to me.
I wave my hands in the air.
I call out his name,
But it is just a wasted breathe you see..

I walk over,
And snap my fingers in his face.
He averts his gaze.
I know I'm not invisible,
But I pinch myself for good measure. 

Someone look up for me!

I pace in the locker room;
The ticking time bomb that I am..
I press my hands up on the mirror and I stare back at my refection.

I don't understand.
Why doesn't anyone listen!?
Can't I make an impression on anyone...?

Look up for me.

A girl walks into the bathroom,
She just ignores me.
I lift my head,
And look myself dead in the eyes; the mirror reflecting my anger back at me.

I can't take this anymore.

I scream.
And she looks up.

Welcome To My City

Imagine a place.

A place where as a child you can roam free;

Free to fall victim to the surrounding world and all it's wild dangers.

If you weren't born here,

Dare to go outside.

This is a place where Christmas lights dangle from the roof tops and bushes.

All the while notice it is nearing the end of June. 

This is a place where community is strong,

And friendships are stronger. 

Houses are kept private with multicolored sheets,

Instead of curtains being drawn.

And when I see a four foot tall mom with eleven kids,

I pray that one of them will make it out of here.

..I pray that I make it out of here. 

This is a place where McDonald's has become the nicest place in the city.

And there are couples making out in front,

With matching tramp stamp tattoos. 

You can only hope that that little girl you saw walking down Main Street; little brothers hands in each palm,

Won't end up like the McDonald's chick. 

This is a place almost everyone has an orange or lemon tree in the back of their house,

You need to know Spanish just to order a sandwich, 

And dresses are down to your ankles unless it is your profession to wear miniskirts.

Dare not wear red,

Dare not wear blue.

...If you do the gangs will come after you.

This is a place...

Where we can make a meal out of almost everything; served with beans. 

Where my grandma picked strawberries just to proved her family's means. 

So.

Welcome to my city.

Where most of us live on food stamps.

This is a place the government just tends to ignore.

Welcome to my city,

It seems that you don't care about our future anymore.

What Do You See In Me?

It was still cool;
The clouds were still gleaming.
I was surprised to see so many people stirring in the early morning's hour.

I just needed to get away;
Escaping my thoughts.
But it turns out I was just running into them.

It's not my fault they shoved you across the tile towards me. 
Your friends looked at you like some kind of offering,
As if I would look up from my cup of black coffee and maul you.
I'm not a lion after a piece of meat.

I am a person you know. 

I'm not asking you to be my hero.
But that would be nice..

You sat beside me.
And you told me I had pretty eyes.
So I walked away.
You seemed to have on that pretty boy disguise.

I dug into my past;
There; where my memories didn't hurt each time I looked back.

I just wanted to be left alone.
Why couldn't you get that?
Maybe I was acting like a lion.
I was like a cat pinning down a rat. 

No one asked you to be nice,
I'm not a freaking charity case.
It's sad that wherever I go I feel so out of place..

You tried to make a conversation with me,
But I couldn't care any less..
When you pushed the bangs out of my eyes,
Couldn't you see I was a mess?


When you followed me,
And opened my door.
I asked you..

What do you see in me?"
 ...Because I don't even know what there is to me anymore..

Remember When You Loved Me Too?

I lay my head on this chain link fence,
Just like I would if it was under your chin.
I would kiss behind your ears while you would cover my neck.
Even if those kisses were just tiny pecks..

I bury my face in my hands; iPod blasting.
Runners on the track glace up at me and some elderly men take their shirts off.
I'm flattered guys.
But I'll pass.

I snuggle up to the edge of the bleachers,
Occasionally letting my eyes flutter open to glare as a car passes by.
Reality starts to fade away as images and still photographs of you play in my mind.
I need this to stop...

I hit my leg hard.
And I claw at the chain links like a dog in a kennel.  
I'm going crazy.

Slipping my ring off my finger,
I contemplate all this bullshit that I've been going through since you've been gone.
I dig my ring into my wrist until I can feel the bleeding begin.

Oh, sweet clarity.
Why must you come at the price of blood?

Did you ever think that when you moved on to her..
That you had two hearts not one?

It's clear now that I didn't mean anything to you.
You are a dick.
I am the slut.

I feel like the biggest idiot in the world.

I wish I could crawl into a hole and die...
I just want to escape these thoughts of you for awhile..

It's not true what doctors say about mental hospitals.
That aren't what is best for you.

It is true what I say.
They make you worse.

I should know.
I spent a week there being forced to think about what pushed me off the edge,
That's you.

I've come to terms that there will not be another life saving phone call coming from you..

You've moved on,
You are finally OK.
But to me it still feels like you left me yesterday..

I hate you.
And that is what makes me angry the most.
I don't want to still be in love with the past's ghost..

 You never really were good at reading in between my lines,
Or seeing past my fake smiles..
So I will be as straight forward as I can for you.

You see...
You turned into everything you said you wouldn't be.

A Poem Not Named Jessica..

Show me something beautiful;
Something that I want to be.
She is standing there;
Right in front of me. 

You eyes told me stories,
Deeper stories that you weren't quite ready to tell.
But that's OK, because when I first met you,
I was very much inside my shell.

I love the ways you would pick me up after a fall,
I promise you I will be here through it all.

Under the blankets,
Facing opposite directions in my sleepy haze,
We promised we would be America's Next Top Model one of these days..

Your voice grows fainter;
The sleepier you get.
But my memories keep flooding back.

I guess I am in your debt.
But that's not what makes you my friend.
Greater adventures for us are just right around the bend.

You are so beautiful.
So why can't you see it?
How about we switch places and you can be me?

We can trade places,
I think the first thing I would do is play dress up.
Because dying my hair blonde is always something I have wanted to do.

But I think it is best if I stay me.
And you
Stay.
You.

In the dark of the night,
Sometimes it is the first light of morning..
You would talk to me.
And we would account for all of our life mysteries.

You held me while I cried,
I shook and I remembered.
Sometimes I hate to remember,
But sometimes in the dark I let out a smile.
Because that remembering makes all my tears worth while..

This poem is not named Jessica,
It's interesting to think about where we once were..
I hope she knows..
I couldn't live this life without her.

I Can't Help Falling

It is days like these,
I wish I could share with you..
But then I remember,
You didn't ask me to.

It's scary how I sleepwalk right into your arms.

There are a million things I would like to say..
I'm sorry that I drove you away.

I look over my shoulder and I know exactly why; why you broke my heart and made me cry.

Was it my fault?
Is this really how our story is going to end?

Is it going to end with you knocking me to the floor?
The words you said shook me to the core.

I'm just trying to keep my head above water.

You left a hole in my heart.
There is a, "No Vacancy" sign scratched into the walls.
You didn't set the key under the mat.

Oh, no.

You threw the key at my face,
And broke down my door.
You grabbed all your clothes and pictures; so I will see you no more..

You covered your tracks so well that you disappeared.
But at 11:11 is still wish that you would show up here..

I dream that you come over to me and kiss me like it is fine.
You would then whisper to me,
"Don't worry, baby. I'm back. There is no one else I would want to call mine."

My visions don't end there no,
My mind is too cruel..

I spend whole days with you,
Living in my dream.

Then I'll lay by your side just like we used to.
You take me in your arms; so strong and safe.
But then I wake up.

I wake up,
And I squint up into the sunlight; looking for you.
But it seems that you don't even want me to.

So This Is What It Is Like

My sniffling was only worsening. I could literally count the steps till our journey together would be coming to an end. I just wanted you to know that it had been an amazing three years with you. I couldn't choke out the words because only sobs would begin to escape right up from my heart; tinged with all my memories.

    You kept up the brave face, the one you hold up so well, 

As you walked me towards this life without you.

 Can we just call it Hell?

 I fell apart in your brother's arms, of course it was hard leaving him too.
But who was really doing the leaving?
Me or you?
    
I just looked at you. I couldn't stop. I was trying to take in everything that was you. "Please be careful. Don't do anything stupid." I warned you. But what could I really do?

I remember the last day of school. You wrote me a letter.

The letter summed up our past. 

 I was praying and praying that those days would always last.

And I'm sorry it wasn't everything that you might have hoped it would be.

But these past years have meant everything to me.

It was bringing tears to my eyes thinking that this was the the first signs and steps of having to say our final goodbyes.

We were walking on the beach.

 The tides were rough and raging closer and closer in.
The sands of time were slipping away,

It's sad to think that our last day together was today..

I held your hand in mine. I squeezed hard, like maybe we could become one person and that we could stay together forever.  What could I say? The words just slipped out,

"Please stay."

It was such a hopeless plea.. It was an answer I already knew. She had to leave for her new life a world away. 

The thought of her leaving used to make me angry. I used to hate looking at her. Sometimes I would have to walk away from her and just cry. My crying was heavy and my breathing became rapid. No one would ever understand. No one would understand that she was all I had.

Okay, Okay.

Maybe that statement isn't entirely true.

But why would I care about the rest of the world?

All I needed was you..

I thought about our lives together and separate.

 I will think about you every night.

 Because that is what I did sometimes when I was going to give up the fight..

You looked me in the eyes and said, "Baby girl, you will be fine." I know that she doesn't expect me to be fine in just one day. That would be impossible. This healing will take time. 

I dragged my feet in the sand, stumbling here-and-there. I slowed my pace. I didn't want this to be over.

"Remember what I told you I wanted before you left?" 

She paused and pondered. But did she already know? 

"No, I don't think I do."

I told her to forget it,

And added, "Never mind."

  But that had been the only thing on my mind for quite some time.

"Remember what I wanted?"

But I already knew.

"I want a kiss from you."

I told her that I remembered. But I wasn't so sure. Would this change anything between us? I would hate to mess a good thing up. I didn't want you to leave; leaving me heartbroken.

We walked on. You told me that usually these kinds of kisses happened in the water where the ocean meets the shore. I told you that I wasn't much of a romantic. You said you weren't really one either. The truth is that I am a hopeless romantic most of the time. But you aren't just anyone; you are special.   

What will I say when you are gone away...?

I'll say I loved your soul,

And in my heart that is where you will stay. 

Will you say to them that you loved me too..?

Was it all just pretend..

Even when you said, "I do."?

I asked you if we would still be, "Best friends forever." It wasn't really asking. I was just choking out the words; unsure if this little whimper of a voice was me. You were so sure of the answer to every question I asked.

I told you to kiss me.

Can this be Destiny?

This is the girl I once knew?

This can't be the same girl who saved me; the me without a clue.

You gave me a kiss.

But did you say goodbye?

I know I will see you soon,

This is but a wrinkle in time.

No. I can't remember where I put my hands or if people were staring at us disapprovingly. But that means it was a good kiss.

 

I have this theory. If you can remember every little detail about your kiss, it must not have been very good. 

The second she kissed me,

Chills went down my spin.

But that is OK,

Because in that moment you were mine.

She was mine. She wasn't with anyone else. I didn't have to turn away awkwardly as she kissed some boy who's name I didn't know.  I didn't have to watch her heart break a million times. I just hope I am not the reason she will go home and cry. 

I really can't describe it. I would do anything to have that kiss again a hundred times over.

You looked me one last time; straight in the eyes.

All the colors of the world dancing,

As I let out a sigh.

We were down to our final steps;

 Sand turning to broken pavement. 

It was just like our journey together. 

Not everything had gone smooth.

But it was like you were sending me off with just my bare feet and bag filled with memories.  

To a life I would have to live without you..

You pulled me in for one last hug and asked, for one more kiss. But one kiss was all I would need. Because the first kiss was just perfect for me. 

I looked back to find you..

I wanted to run back into your arms. 

But I knew I would never make it.

Besides, I didn't want my fresh tears to raise any alarms.

I walked in the parking lots. 

I crossed a few streets. 

What happens now?

 I feel like my life is not complete.

I wonder what I might have looked like to the surfing hopefuls passing me by.. What did the cafe goers think of me? 

Did they think some boy left me broken? 

Why was I all alone? 

 Why did my words when I answered, 

"I'm okay," sound so monotone?

And I sat alone with my thoughts. 

I wiped my tears; stared at my phone.

I silently whispered, "Thank you," for all the kindness you had shown. 

I always thought our story had no end..

"So this is what it is like to lose a best friend."

 

All Of God's Promises

Laying in the shower,
God is talking to me.
Or maybe it is just the voices in my head; filling in the blanks.
It doesn't matter.
All of God's promises are washing over me.

Sometimes I just don't know what to say.
So I go through all the praise songs and prayers that I know.
Do my prayers go unanswered; like a call of a crow?


It's raining in my Heaven.
Everything tastes sweet.
Will all of God's promises make my Heaven complete?

All of these devotions,
And all of this praise,
Let me know that one day soon He will reign.

So buy me a Bible,
And send in some robed men,
But all of God's promises won't put me back together again..

My Lord is saying, "Don't run away from the truth."
It is so hard to find it these days, I feel like I'm wasting my youth..

Dear God,
I know I've asked you before. But do you cry for me? My savoir; my Lord?

Do you miss when I fall to my knees?
Do you miss the way the tears would fall; silent streams.

I'm sorry but my streams have dried up,
I'll let out a tiny prayer.
Jesus, do you cry for me?

Please let me know you are there.

I'll walk down the street,
Singing God's tune with a beat.
And maybe people will see all of God's promises pouring out from the top of my head down to my feet.

I stare at the ceiling;
At a loss with this world;
I'm not sure what to be...
And I let out a prayer,

God, how can you just let this world throw rocks at me?

I'm teetering on this line,
I'm caught between Faith and whatever I want to do.
Sometime I wish that I could invite you to Starbucks and have a chat with you.

Dear God,
I'm not giving up I just don't know what to do..

So let me dive into the ocean; the ocean you created for me.
This is a ocean of knowledge prophets didn't posses.
I will no longer be Satin's little monkey in a sinful circus..

You have tacked a million final notices up on Calvary's tree.
I know I will be back on God's door step as I take those fateful steps of faith to the alter.
Preacher take this Holy water and pour it over my head; this is not my last or final plea.
I want to feel all of God's promises washing over me.

Beautiful Tattoos

"You are beautiful."
It is tattooed on my memories,
As you whisper it softly into my ear.

"You are beautiful."
Forever hanging in the air;
The words frozen in time,
Waiting to be claimed as something that:
I
Want
To
Believe.

"You are beautiful."
Just like the words on this page.
Am I still beautiful?
Or have you found another to persuade?

"You are beautiful."
Maybe just for awhile.
But when you pressed your body against mine that is what really drove me wild.

I couldn't bare it any longer,
I tattooed myself.
I dusted off my razor from the second floor's shelf. 


Am I still beautiful?
Please answer me now.
It's funny how I can't imagine my future now that you are not around.

I am beautiful.
But what does that mean?
Every time I think of you I cry; I scream.

"You are beautiful."
That sentence has been lost from my gaze.
Nothing seems beautiful without you these days.

I guess that I am beautiful.
If that's what you say..
I miss everything about you,
In the worst possible way.

I guess that makes me beautiful,
But I don't think I'll stay this way..

So what is there that makes me beautiful?
It's all just memories fading away.
Like watercolors wet with kisses; kisses I'd hoped would be for you.

Let's do this again,
I'm giving myself one more tattoo.

I Always Thought That, "That Will Never Be Me."

I never thought I would be the girl on the milk carton.
Or the girl you saw on the street.
I'm the girl that you look at and think,
"Well. That will never be me."

You could look at me and all my excuses,
But they really aren't worth anything to you.
So give me a dime,
And I'll be fine.
Really, anything will do.

The people who stand out side of stores; selling candy for a cause.
I have nothing but respect for them.

I will donate a dollar,
And take I flyer.
Because, maybe one day that will be me too.

I walk into alcoholics anonymous,
I'm very scared.
I've been to the bottom of every bottle.
But I know in my heart it is the right thing; being here.

The meetings are free.
What ever is?
I know this can't be free.
Someone is fundraising so someday I will have a better life than this.

I look to the mirror; when my head isn't in the toilet.
I can feel my stomach begin to harden,
And so is the lump in my throat.

I take timid steps into the clinic,
I avoid all eye contact with the others.
Some are older,
Some are young.

Other teens look at me like somehow they are better than me.
But how can that be?
Now it is my turn to judge; as you walk out minus one tiny soul.

I always thought that, "That will never be me."

I am sorry to disappoint you,
Can we just forget the past?
I should have known that this love for myself was never going to last...

I never thought I would be that person selling herself for a little bit of money; some kind of thrill.
Every time stranger's eyes strip my body up and down, I get a chill.
This is such a sick, sick, job that I need; that I crave.
All my secrets are going to follow me right down to my grave.

But I had always thought...
"That will never be me."

I guess I should come to terms with myself,
I want to scream out,
"YES! YES! THAT'S ME!"
Because worthless is something that I will never be.

Today is the day; the day I will change myself.
I'm going to be someone that I want to be.
Because I had always thought...

I had always thought,
"That will never be me."



 

You Can Call Me Coach

Tan lines and tattered plans,
Gone with the winds,
In hopes of a better day.

Hot kisses from the sidewalk,
To my bare feet.
They make promises that,
My the tennis courts are not far away. 

My shorts are colorful,
My sunglasses transparent.
My skirts be short,
As my shirts are baggy.
An ever present farmer tan is conscientiously bestowed on my mind.

But you can call me coach.

I show up to a treat from higher up in the ladder,
Because everyone knows that donuts are the breakfast of champions.

My little children arrive,
The sun barely peeps through the clouds.
Put on my smile; and crouch down to eye level.
I'll be feeling this one later.

I will have you do push ups or run laps,
Only if you are bad.
Don't give me attitude,
I only wish to remember the precious memories we've had. 

One day you notice my darker skin,
Sun bleached hair,
And a smile on my face that will be all you need to see to know that I couldn't be more proud of you. 

But you can call me coach.

Maybe you will see me,
After a ten hour day of work.
Maybe you will see me then,
Walking out to the market; slipping on my slippers. 
Letting out a sign of, "Alright... I did it."
While my fairly good sized paycheck is burning a whole in my spandex; skin tight to my thigh.  

Maybe you will see me when you are older.
And you will understand.
Why sometimes I would yell; or be firm.
Why sometimes I would give you juice boxes,
Or why sometimes I would rarely not be there.
 I just want you to know I care.

But you can call me coach.

You can call me coach,
With all the wisdom I posses.
Yes, I know when you are having a bad day.
I know when you are injured; so please don't try to hide it.

I know what you are capable of doing,
I understand if you cry.
But I want you to know I was just like you.

I was the little four year old swinging the racket blindly and blissfully.
I was the little girl being dragged out to practices.
I was the teenager who finally began to understand.
I was the varsity freshman who needed someone to hold my hand.

For now..
You can call me coach. 

I am your coach,
I will be you're best friend.
You guys make my day better when my heart is on the mend.

One day, I will watch you walk down the graduation isle,
I will see you walking with your friends every once in awhile.
Maybe you will be to afraid to approach..

But I will always be proud of you so,
You can call me coach.

Running Not Walking

I head out in the morning; just before sunset.
My alarm clock will call out at 5 o'clock sharp,
But there will be no answer.
Just the echoing cries of a restless baby.

The air is cool against my skin.
I tug at my beanie; letting it fall just before my neck.
My ears are red and hurting from the cold.

I don't mind.
This is what I want.

I feel like I deserve to be chilled; chilled to the bone.
As if this is fair punishment for laying just moments ago in my bed of tranquility.
And in a few hours my world that I have left behind will be jolted one-by-one will the same shock of panic.
Slowly the waves of anger, denial, and disbelief will swallow them up.
Hopefully, not pulling them under.

I am not trying to fit in.
I run alone.

No one will see me except for the occasional homeless person sleeping in the playground tunnels.

As I pass by the many trees,
I have time; time enough to feel like the moment that I have to go out and face the world doesn't exist.

The gravel splashes away as my feet glide on the unpaved roads; roads of an uncertain future.

I stumble a pone an elderly man having his morning coffee.
He is taking in this daily dose of tragic times; newspaper grim reapers.

Nothing ever changes.
But something inside me will never be the same.
These are the moments I live for.

I'll sit on a bench and pull my knees to my chest.
Because sometimes you have to realize that it is OK to rest.

Feathers float in the air; a trail to a mystery.
A duck quacks at my presence;
It cuts thru the mists of the morning like a rooster signaling the sun's timely arrival.  

The pale moon fades away once more,
As my frog prince announces he is near.

The day is just beginning; walking into the fields of grey.
There is no place I'd rather be than here,
This place,
This day.

No one should have told me it was this easy,
..This easy to run away.

Last Bite To My Soul

You can find me in between the words I say,
All you have do is see the promises that you've broken,
And unravel the mystery which is my time that I have spent with you.

Our future seemed so bright.

You will find me one day, cold and at peace.
Look to the trees; find me with my grandparents.
Grandpa Leo and Grandma Cat dancing in the wind.

That's where I always knew we would one day be.

You will find me in a parking lot one day; reminiscing about my childhood.
I'll remember.
I'll remember how me and my dad would always get up early; just before the sun came up.
And we would go out and buy two-for-two dollar breakfast sandwiches at McDonald's.  
At the end of my little treat he would look at me and say, "Last bite."
It doesn't feel right to finish off a whole one anymore.
I always hear, "I love you. Can I have the last bite?"

Last bite to my soul.

You can find me now,
Answering to no one but my heart.
Even then, I try and ignore it as best I can.

You will see the fire back in my eyes;
Because I have come to terms will me no longer being a package deal.

You'll see my smile illuminating the deepest corners of my fears;
Nonexistent resistance to new challenges. 

I have realized that this is not where my story ends.

Last Conversations

Your looked me in my eyes;
Holding my face tenderly in your hands.
I was forced to meet your stare.

You told me that I was strong.
And that you never meant to leave me.
You had always planned  on staying by my side.

We took each other in as we hugged goodbye.
I really hate goodbyes.

I remember finding your note.
You had slipped it into my bag.
It was rushed and risky.

By the time I made it out of class that day.
It was too late.

I already knew when I got the call.
It was just white noise filling my ears.
You were gone.

It was like the conversation I never got to start. 
It was just you.
You on your own selfish time deciding that you weren't going to be able to make it one more day.

I would never have done that to you...

It was the conversation I never got to finish.

 You can only run in circles so long.
Neither wanting to admit you were wrong; this was never going to work out.

It was realizing that we couldn't make it any longer.
Just cold and silent acceptance of the future.
A future without each other.

It was you walking away,
Walking away without an, "I love you."

I never saw you again..
Just the conversation on replay.

It was me and you laying up against a tree.
You told me I looked different than before you left.
And I thanked him because I didn't like the way I looked before.

And I told him that he broke my heart.
I didn't cry because I had done enough of that.
For once I felt strong; like maybe I could do this on my own.

It was the conversation that I never imagined would be our last.



I buried my head in my pillows and cried.
Because I knew that it was acceptable to cry at a death.

I had never been around death.
I was never afraid of it though.
 I was young but old enough to know..

 It was the conversations that I took for granted.

You told me that, Of course you wouldn't forget me! 
And that I would see you again..
You spoke of how we would stay in touch no matter what.
 And how I was so loyal.

You told me that you loved me with all your heart,
And that I was beautiful.
She said that she wouldn't let me fade away.

But if you planned on keeping me in your life; seeing me tomorrow,
Why would you say all that?

 I knew...
I knew that was the last conversation that I would ever have with you..

I'm Just Looking For Some Answers In a World That Answers None Of Them At All

I keep looking for the answer,
But it seems you have the answer anyway.

I hope you can see the writing on the wall.
I'm talented aren't I? 
I wrote it in lipstick just for you.
I knew you would like it.

Please, just let me breathe.

"Was it me? Or his feelings that day.."

I keep looking to you for my answers.
But you don't seem to want to hear it anyway...


You're not there.
Listen to yourself.

He's. Not. There.

I can't keep looking to you for answers..

I sit myself down on the piano.
And press tenderly on the keys.
I'm trying to figure it out.
But what is there to figure out?
You're not coming back this time.

The music just won't play.

Please..
Come home.

I can't stand one more day without you...
I'm ready for you to come home.

I write you letters.
I cry.
I didn't want to say goodbye.. 


I remember laying on my bed; the night I knew you'd be gone.
I tried to be calm.
I didn't want you to go to Vietnam.

I remember laying in the street; it was cold and I was afraid.
What would I do without you?
You were abandoning me.
Why?

I was angry.
I was upset.
I just want my brother back..

I await an email everyday.
And you'll tell me of your stories,
And how you're seeing the world in the best kind of way.
And I hold on to the promise that the day you're coming back really isn't that far away.

I just keep looking to you for answers..

My world is at peace,
But my mind won't stand still.

I would wish on a star,
And hope for a million kisses.

I knew what I wanted and I found it in you.

I lay on your shoulder on the car ride home.
The driver is about 20 miles over speed limit.
Everything is going way too fast.

You were just a guy.
You could call it a friend-of-a-friend.
And our conversations really don't mean much to me.

But you keep looking at me with those eyes.
Those eyes just staring into mine...

Looking for an answer.

What is it that you want?
What could you possibly learn from me.

Maybe this will be my day.
My luck.
My hour.
Did you really get me to throw away the key?


As I rest my head into the small of my shoulder.
I know it will come to me; I'll remember how to play.
My breathing will be steady like a horse's cantering gate.
 
I'll remember how to ride.
I'll remember how to dance.
I'll remember what it feels like to go out and take a chance.

I'm just looking for some answers.
And I think I'll start looking inside of me.
Maybe this will be good for me; this retrospection into my soul.
And I'll find my place; my Jubilee.