Acetate & Hexoflorcilicate

I am an old soul tonight.
Do not fear to come closer,
I won't take flight.

Everything that I want,
I have to work for so hard...
If I keep this up my body will be scarred.

I  am lonely,
Because I am the first one to pick up my phone and say,
"Hello."

Because you first called me your friend when I lived on the street,
I feel like I owe you.
You made my life a little more complete.

I miss you,
Because this time it was you who sent me away.

I hate you,
Because you don't feel the same way.

I have a music box.
It helps me get lost.
And sometimes I come back to reality and wonder where on Earth I've been..

I only wrote this poem,
Because you asked me too.

I will never get married,
I'll run away saying, "I don't." at the alter. 

Successful marriages don't exist.. 

You ask me why I wake up in the middle of the night,
Grabbing for a cellphone; and my life line.
My thoughts are consumed by that evil man;

That is why,
These terrible thoughts are no longer mine.

If you ask me questions,
Don't try it tonight,
All I can say is,
I'm an old soul tonight.

Dances with Wolves

I think it is time,
The mountains need to lift the sun.
Into the sky.

Why do the ashes fall from my face?

Sleeping in trashcans,
Behind the church doors.
I sing.

Why do you call it witchcraft for my eyes to look so bleak?

"Honey don't look at her."
Laying on the couch.
Still.
Still.

So still.

My feet bleed.
I can no longer see.
Listen to the nothingness.

I dance with the sleet.

Dead Sea

Happy birthday,
I'm sorry I'm so late.

I got run over by turtles on the interstate.

Last night,
I watched everyone die twice.

Nightmares are like being trapped in the devil's game of dice.

Why didn't you want to celebrate?

These scars on my side hurt.
Surgery, surgery, surgery,
You were wrong, it didn't taste like mint to me.

How long will it take you to find out I almost wound up dead?

I've seen to much death.
Death meet my niece.
I'm afraid my heart is now missing a piece..

When the make up comes off,
The lyrics lose their tone.
The two lovers end their honeymoon too soon.

Twins,
Splash in puddles,
As their mother tries to kill the silence.

You are the Holy terror.
And I am so young to have a body guard.
Why did you paint the white flowers pink?


Catch me,
I'm over in the lagoon.
This country was never free.

None of these darts hit the bull in the eye.
Maybe it's time to start writing my will,
This life doesn't seem to be giving me much thrill.

Corn Flakes

There is no sunlight in my room,
Just a wind current disturbing my roses,
Kicking up dusty memories into the air.

The pillow smells like cigarettes,
But the cigarettes aren't from me.
The fish in the tank fight.

My fingers shake as I try to open the pill bottle,
Just an unfortunate side effect from this medicine I take.
They don't want me to gobble them up like M&Ms.

 What does it mean when crooks take pity on me?

Katy Perry and the U-Version of the Bible fight for air time,
As I think of new ways to paint my nails,
And ponder if there is actually someone in the world who died alone.

I don't like the way she calls you, "Mike."
There's a beautiful fire in my heart.
Hey Diddle Diddle, you can't solve this riddle.

Mom's been hooked on bills,
Sister's looking for time to kill.
We all stay home, but no one is ever around.

Babies cry tears for you,
As the mothers whisper in the dark.
I can't find any batteries inside the kitchen drawer. 

Composite Sketches

Let us cuddle up,
And watch Disney movies.
Kiss me like I'm Cinderella,
A Cinderella that is always on the military move.

What's it like?
Going to a school where you can never see the sky?
Does the thought of being snowed in with each other,
Ever make you cry?

Love big,
Even though you aren't very tall.
He's you're protector,
But don't put up a wall.

Sit in silence.
But only with me.
Listen to the nothingness,
Because it means everything you see..

J'aime danser.
That means that
I love to...
Dance.

Dance into my heart,
But don't let me fall.
If he forgets the steps just remember,
A dancer always knows how to stall.

A record player plays,
As three girls lay down on the bed,
Two on the floor.
It was a time of innocence with Simon and Garfunkle..

A boy walks in,
But he makes no sound.
It's pretty obvious to see,
That no one knows what to do when he is around.

So long to me.
I am only missing you.
I trace the edges of my hips,
Trying to remember where I once had that tattoo.

Let me take the fall,
The footsteps grow nearer as I curl into a ball.
Everything is how it is supposed to be.
I lay back and think of Destiny.

An engine cuts,
As a rock hits the second floor windowpane.
Lately things seem calmer,
I've lost the hateful distant way.

My memories:

That's
            all.
                        That's
                                  left,
                                          Of
                                               You.

We Get Bored So We Get Married

I contributed twenty-six cents to that Dr. Pepper,

That is now splattered across the floor. 

That's okay.

Remember that I'm not into keeping score.

Little pink envelopes are scattered in the glove compartment,

Each one containing a clue,

They were just pieces of a puzzle that you couldn't figure out,

In hot pink everything is written that I wish you knew.

This town is so small,

If there is not a thing to do,

We go to each other. 

Let's just hope I don't end up a mother. 

Life's too short,

I've seen too many people this month get buried,

We get bored,

So let's get married. 

Macaroni couches, 

Blankets I have saved for you.

Everything is a chain reaction,

I'm not very good with fractions.

 

 There's pain in my throat,

So you decide to make me hot tea.

Sugar in a Halloween cat cup,

My love for you is not letting up.

 

Same Hurt in Every Heart

Carnage is scattered around the six walls,
Dare not call them ceilings.
Candy wrappers coat the halls,
Trying to hide all the brokenhearted feelings. 

It just can't be that late,
But this is my final hour.
My mind must be playing tricks on me,
How did I end up in the shower?

You can't understand what happens to me,
These thoughts that creep in I just can't believe.
I take those whispers and crinkle them,
The shadows tell me not to let them get wrinkled.

There are 101 places that you need to see before you die,
Don't ask me because I really don't know why..
It starts inside and works its way out,
Too bad the lights are dying.

Sometimes my world catches on fire,
But the smoke is ice cold.
Getting one last kiss from my grandpa,
That would be worth more than gold.

A Quarter 'Till I Drop Out

My shoes are wet,
I continue to tap my foot in a puddle falling from the sky,
I guess the weather men call it,
Rain.

I could tell you,
Where I am supposed to be,
But it would be easier to tell you,
Where I am going.

And that,
Is nowhere.

That is me,
Alone in this hall,
The rain knows I am sad.
It stays out of my way.

A hallway pass walks my way.
He does not say hello.
Running to the bathroom trying to save time;
He doesn't save enough to spend some with me.

I take out my hair,
And begin to braid.
It's a mess but,
It's not like my mom taught me anyways.

An old teacher walks past,
She takes one dissapointed look at me.
She thinks she knows; 
She thinks she knows how my story goes. 

Maybe she is right,
Maybe I should tell.
Maybe I should tell someone that letters look funky to me;
Whenever I try to read or spell. 

As I look at my watch,
I look for a cop out.
I smile and my mum doesn't know why she sheds a tear as I whisper,
"It's a quarter 'til I drop out."

My Soul Is Made Of Cheesecake

I know who I am,
Please don't find it strange,
I don't find it very hard to picture.
I know why I will die.

My
 Grandma
              Died
                      On
                            The
                                  One
                                         Year
                                                 Anniversary
                                                                  Of
                                                                       My
                                                                            Grandpa's
                                                                                            Death.

And I will die the same way.
I will die of a broken heart.

My personality is addictive.
I'm addicted to not being able to let someone go.
I hold on to this rope in a tug-of-war of wills.
But, I always lose as my soul shatters across the floor.

  My
       Soul
                Is
                   Made
                            Of
                                 Cheesecake.

We still have everything.
I must be mistaken.
I'm watching after three little children.
I just want a little bit of love.

  Weddings
                  Would
                             Be
                                 Prettier
                                            In
                                                Pink.

People come and go,
Talking of things I will never know.
I knew it right from the start,
I will die of a broken heart.

                                I
                                   Am
                                         Such
                                                A
                                                    Lonely
                                                              Lamb.

We are looking at the same moon,
But that doesn't change the fact that:
  I
    Can't
           See
                You.

I'm facing nightmares that you can not possibly begin to read.
Just give me a minute,
The macaroni is burning on the stove.
It's funny how that's how I stole your heart.

Give
        Me
              Some
                       Control
                                   Over
                                           Mine.

I know why I will die.
These feelings never seem to lie.
It's like a sick game of narcissistic darts,
 I will die of a broken heart.






  

Framing Me

Why is it,
That everything I've done,
I always look back,
And people say,
"Don't worry.
You're saved."

Why is it that,
Everything that I touch,
Always comes back out at me,
And it threatens to hurt me just as much.

I have a
Hidden
Talent.

Shh.
I know how to dance.

I am
Anonymous.
And in a dark place.

 Love is a
Wicked game
And
I
Don't
Want
To play.

Stop
Being
Anonymous,

Or

Continue
Framing
Me. 

Cards

The beat
of
a base
fuels the
fire

inside my
heart.

Open
up.

Did you
write
me
a

Valentine's
Day

card?

I
wrote
you .

Let
me
know
when
you are

finally
finished.

Let
it all
fall.

Break.
Find yourself

up against a
wall.

 Lights
dazzle
me
as the razor
does

too.


When your
thoughts

become less
about
him

and more about

you

that's when
you'll
know

a little
of
what

I've
been
through.

But
for now,

Thoughts
are
becoming

less about
me

and
more

about

you.

Map of Me

I have tattoos on my feet.
They are tiny, and raw.
They have little hearts on them.
They are love kisses from all the times I have danced.

I have tattoos on my calves.
They are wings.
They symbolize all the running I have done;
Running away from all my fears.

I have tattoos between my legs.
They are scars done by me.
And you.
But hey, let's not point fingers.

We can bullshit and call it a tattoo.

I have tattoos on my hips.
They are paw prints along my side.
They are for my father..
He always taught me to be wild and free.

I have tattoos on my wrists.
They are from my not-so-forgotten past.
No need to explain.
 I should have known that not all relationships last.

I have tattoos on my neck.
They are faded hickeys and bite marks from when my lovers got rough.
They are hidden pretty well I might add.
I only hope God doesn't see.

There are tattoos on my soul.
They spilled out from my eyes.
They complete the map of me.
Sometimes they stain on my face as tear drops.

My soul may seem broken but,
These tattoos make me whole. 





 

Noah's Poem

The only certain thing in life is death.
And in death there is life little boy.
A life that lovers spend all their time trying to know.
Run and run, His kingdom has come.

I whisper promises in his ear.
Promises in the form of scripture.

Lover of God,
Mother of God,
Raise my boy in your grace and mercy.
He is but a child a child so sweet.

We are all so small.
I'm scared to let you go.

Don't fear death.
And I will always remember.
Not the bones I see through your skin,
A whipped horse bears a heavier shame than you.

I wish I knew what I am trying to say,
What I am trying to get out, what I will no longer refrain.

Your so beautiful.
God, hear all of our prayers.

Take me,
I give it all to you.

Let me play God.
If only for a moment.
I want to bear the struggles that he faces.
Let me feel his pain so that he make come out of this smiling and unscathed. 

I Am A Lady In Spain

I am in love with a boy.
And his smile brings me joy.

His eyes are blue, like chlorine.
And if you look hard enough, they soften,

And you can see me.

 I am a lady in Spain.
Sunlight falls on me like an acidic rain.

A girl glares at me with her heavily lined eyes.
They look like a big pair of black sunglasses.

And I wonder if you can see past your own pride.

I shout out through smokers who come to here me sing.
They throw tips in my jar, right up to the brim.

And I wave goodbye to them to find life anew.

I am the tender of the bar.
Vodka is beginning to send me into a peaceful place.

And I daydream about cradling the stars. 

I was here.

Where does my confidence lay.
Everything around me seems to fade away.

I thought the abuse was over.
I thought that I could live for another, brighter day.

I was here..
Will anyone really know? 

I was going through some photographs.
And I stopped when I found one of you.

The things that I remember seem so unsure.
I question everything around me.
I'm sorry, for awhile you had me very well fooled.

I wish I knew how to get up after a punch,
But my I never can seem to get my legs up underneath me.

I lay there until my world grows dark,
And the walls are all done spinning.

The blood in my mouth is nothing.
It's a painful reminder of what could have been.

Things fall apart.
That's no one's fault..

Love has killed a dreamer.

Crashed

3:50 PM
78 MPH
Hollywood Fwy 170
January 1, 2013

Cars pass by,
They whirl all around me.
Now that I have set the scene,
Come along for the ride.

A white, elderly, bald man lags next to me,
Dry cleaning hanging on the little bars in the back seat that as a little girl,
I used to dangle or attempt a pushup on. 

A blonde girl around seventeen sits up at the edge of her seat; riding passenger.
Her spine is straight as a board.
She's pretty, but wears a skirt too tight for a date.
No doubt she is dressed to impress the boy driving his mom's Toyota truck.

An Asian couple drifts in and out of my blind spot in a red Subaru.
I find this couple opposites of the young boy and girl.
The man wears a tie and the woman rests her head in her hands in a deep sleep.
These two are comfortable with each other.

A minivan cruses comfortably in front of me.
It's a family.

I take my eyes off them to admire the shinny new cars in the Volvo of Calabasas.
I pat the dash of my old car.
She's old, yes.
But we are making good time.

The family looks like it consists of a little boy, no older than three,
And an older sister wrapped up in a blanket.  
Her mouth is open and drooling like a freshly caught
Fish.

The younger of the two sisters sits in the front seat writing and listening to her iPod.

The dad is very hispanic,
Mom appears to be pregnant again while she sits in the backseat,
Tending to a fussy little girl no older than
A year.

I continue to drive along this freeway,
And I can't help but think that I will never see,
Any of these people again.
In my life.

The three year old presses his hand up against the car window and smiles at me.

I enjoy acknowledging others,
Because even if they think no one cares,
I did.

My eyes scan the roads again.
I take in everything around me in a matter of seconds.

I can't help but wonder if these people around me have analyzed me the same way when,
    (I
       Wasn't
                  Looking.)

Everyone around me seems pleasantly content in there own shell of protection.
I almost wish I could reach out and touch their cars,
As if just by doing that,
I could be accepted into their lives.

The car to the side of me takes the next off ramp.
It seems stupid to say but,
I was a little emotionally attached.
Saddened.

But then I realize,
We are not connected.

All these people want of me is to continue west to their:

         Homes,

Dinners,

Dates,

Families,

and parties.

We are all so unconnected...

                        Until I hear a:

                                         .

                                         .

                                         .

                                               

Smash.

                              .

                            .

                                    .

                               A skid.

                                             .

                                       .

                                              . 

                                            .

 

And a scream escape my lips.

We are all so unconnected until a sudden crash,

Brings us all together.