This One's For J (Yes You My Dear..)

I am the oldest ballerina.
When I get up on that stage,
I will have to turn my face away,
Because the girl who I'd always watched up on that stage,
Is not going to be in the front row watching me..

What am I suppose to say?
What do you expect me to do?

Darling I hope you're reading this
You know, the girl who's making my life Hell?

Yes, this one's for you. 
So focus on every line,

J,
Listen well.

Are you reading religiously everyday?
Hoping your name won't "pop up" on my blog?
Don't worry, it won't.

Actually, I would be worried..
But you know..
That's just me.

I'm not worried about what you think.
And I'm not afraid to die.

Are you going to remember the last words I ever said to you?
What's that?
Your shitty attempt at goodbye?

Is there something wrong with me?
I ACTUALLY thought that I DESERVED what you did to me.

..What you are doing to me.

I don't.
I don't deserve this.

And I'm sorry this isn't a pretty little poem.
I'm sure I could rewrite it if you'd like..
But I feel like I need to get a point across to you.

You don't need to dissect a rhyme of mine.

How do you think I feel!?

What did I mean to you?
Clearly not enough.
What did you think I was crying about?
I'm just boxing up your stuff.

Really?
Really...
What kind of fucking best friend are you?

"A terrible one."
 Yeah.
Those are your words too.

Yours.
Mine.
Everyone.

Do you think that's the way to earn respect around you?

I'm not coming back.
Got it?

I don't care if he knocks you up and leaves you on a corner. 

Whose side do you think people will take?
Will they listen to your pathetic love story?
Or will they believe in me?

Fuck it.
Just someone tell me what is wrong with me!

I tried to die.
I tried to die for you.
I tried dieing for everyone around me who took back that,
"I love you."

I guess that just makes it suicide attempt number: 2.

Why is it that everyone is just leaving me?
I'm not sure what else to do..

Please tell me.
What did you think?
I know you weren't thinking of me.

You suck.
So get me away from here.

Will you come to my funeral, lovey?
I just hope they won't both be on the same day.
Because now I know whose funeral people would rather attend.


They will cry over the casket of the girl who's last hope was murdered by her best friend.