Remember When You Loved Me Too?

I lay my head on this chain link fence,
Just like I would if it was under your chin.
I would kiss behind your ears while you would cover my neck.
Even if those kisses were just tiny pecks..

I bury my face in my hands; iPod blasting.
Runners on the track glace up at me and some elderly men take their shirts off.
I'm flattered guys.
But I'll pass.

I snuggle up to the edge of the bleachers,
Occasionally letting my eyes flutter open to glare as a car passes by.
Reality starts to fade away as images and still photographs of you play in my mind.
I need this to stop...

I hit my leg hard.
And I claw at the chain links like a dog in a kennel.  
I'm going crazy.

Slipping my ring off my finger,
I contemplate all this bullshit that I've been going through since you've been gone.
I dig my ring into my wrist until I can feel the bleeding begin.

Oh, sweet clarity.
Why must you come at the price of blood?

Did you ever think that when you moved on to her..
That you had two hearts not one?

It's clear now that I didn't mean anything to you.
You are a dick.
I am the slut.

I feel like the biggest idiot in the world.

I wish I could crawl into a hole and die...
I just want to escape these thoughts of you for awhile..

It's not true what doctors say about mental hospitals.
That aren't what is best for you.

It is true what I say.
They make you worse.

I should know.
I spent a week there being forced to think about what pushed me off the edge,
That's you.

I've come to terms that there will not be another life saving phone call coming from you..

You've moved on,
You are finally OK.
But to me it still feels like you left me yesterday..

I hate you.
And that is what makes me angry the most.
I don't want to still be in love with the past's ghost..

 You never really were good at reading in between my lines,
Or seeing past my fake smiles..
So I will be as straight forward as I can for you.

You see...
You turned into everything you said you wouldn't be.