Open Water

Run threw your mind.

Try to find something familiar,

Someone you used to know.

Search your heart.

Find what is real.

Because sometimes I really don't know how to feel.

My life is fair game.

I'm biding my time, in open water.

My story is out there for the world,

Fair game.

I want a life,

But I don't want to wait. 

My world came crashing down once,

Torn apart by trials.

Few still stand, the lights of my life.

I put all my faith in you,

There isn't even any left for me.

I want a love,

But I don't want to do it in secret.

This is a place I do not want to be..

What about acceptance? 

What about the people that I've come to love?

How I wish everything would just fall apart.. 

I can't see anything coming back together.

Sometimes I sit and gaze out my window..

Do you miss me?

You split us..

I can't have a "serious relationship."

You have no idea.

You make me laugh.

You make me sick. 

  My life is fair game to you.

I'm treading in open water.

You mean so much to me.

Even though your gone.

You were like light traveling through me.

Stain glass window; illuminating the darkest corners.

We were iridescent, irresistible.  

I'm hurting.

I'm dying. 

But none of that matters to you.

I don't blame my environment,

Only my circumstances.

We don't need words.

We lay in her bed, silent and waiting.

I was waiting for something, something that would make me feel:

Complete.

Content.

Whole.

The silence only ends with a heavy sob; a whimper. 

Lay down my head; pleading.

Please make me feel whole again..

But she doesn't expect an answer to my tears.

I just feel comforted. 

I can let my walls down.

I'm tired of treading open water.