Fears Vs. Dreams

Hello faithful Blogspot.com followers!
    Wow. This is so much easier than trying to write a poem. Hopefully, there will only be a few poems thrown into this little post. Just for the heck of it, of course. I'm going to try this out. (You know. The whole talk-to-them-don't-give-them-Confucian-metaphor-shit.) So for the thirty of you who read often, and the ones who pop in from time-to-time, I hope you enjoy. The least you can do is, JustListen.

I've been thinking a lot. Fears vs. Dreams.  If you're thinking to yourself, "Gosh! That sounds vaguely familiar," you would be correct. Fears vs. Dreams is a branch of "To Write Love On Her Arms." They aim to remind you that you should never give up on life, and that YOU as an individual are worth loving whether it be by others or just learning to love yourself. It's like...Coming to terms with who you are, but in a positive way. The whole experience is meant to help you grow. Need an example? Ok. Let's start with me.

Fear: Having no one to turn to 

Dream: Love myself

Seems easy enough right? Well, that little bit took me about twenty minutes. I have so many fears and insecurities that it was really hard to choose. I had to think, "Which one would I want to rid myself of most?"

And as for dreams. That one wasn't as tough but, there was a point in my life where I was just like, "Ok. This is it. What is there to look forward to now?" Sometimes I truly did believe there was nothing left for me. But, that is a different story..

To Write Love On Her Arms.

Is that what you preach?

How can you even say that?

You have put so much distance between us,

I'm out of your reach.

Fears vs. Dreams.

 

What happens when my fears come like Hell descending on me?

Are all my dreams just going to drown in smoke?

Which one is the devil?

My fears or my dreams?

Because everything and everyone aren't always what they seem..

Please: STAY ALIVE

There's not much I can do.

I'm only one me.

And I'm not very important to a lot of people,

So that's not helping my case much..

Yeah, that didn't rhyme very well,

But rhymes aren't so important when you are trying to save a life.

I got lost in the dark,

And I couldn't find myself.

Until I found myself wondering, 

"How do I save a life?"

 

How did I answer that question? How could I? I needed to start with me. To Write Love On Her Arms has this new campaign that I am REALLY excited about. Please: STAY ALIVE. Genius right? I've probably said that a hundred times. 

A hundred times.  

That's scary right? I think it is. It scares me that at one point someone I love was ready to give up. 

But why didn't you? 

You had FEARS. 

And guess what else you probably had?

DREAMS.

But if you didn't have either of those, don't get mad at me for it. I'm just blogging. And you are, JustListening.

This month was suicide awareness month. And honestly, I should wear my freaking "LOVE IS THE MOVEMENT" T-Shirt every single day of my life. I really do believe that. Maybe if we just start loving everyone and everything around us, everything will turn out peachy. I don't really know. I do know that we should love ourselves. 

 

I love you. Please: STAY ALIVE.

Love,

          JustListen

 

How To Say Nothing With All Of Your Heart

Bleach blond locks,
Beauty to you is such a wild fantasy.
Whiskey and sleeping pills follow you from the night,
Into the back of your mind the next day.

It wasn't your fault,
He just called the cops first.
Jump town to escape the pain,
It's hard to believe that the victim can also be framed.

Together in the grey of light,
I reach for his fingers; wrapping my tiny hand around just one.
Heartbeat's fast; mine is ever so still.
We lock weary eyes, comfortable with the ominous chill.

Yet another doctor; knowing not what to do.
Collecting loose change to pay my own bills.
Rolling my eyes while nurses hook me up to more machines.
I want to scream.

Tell them to cut the poking and prodding me,
Because I'm through.
My visit to the pearly gates is long overdue. 

My eyes are up here, but please don't look at the bruises.
Fade out, and hope for a better life next time around.
Sometimes you have to let yourself break into a million pieces..
So that you can put yourself back together again.

In cased by freedom; thinking anything is something you can do.
The smoke's not clearing,
It's just turning to tension thick as fog.
Maybe it's because you just stopped caring.

Sometimes in the process of helping everyone,
You need to learn to love yourself too.

As I shout out my fears; sixbillion insecurities,
No one is listening.
I should have known right from the start..
So, I'll just be saying nothing with all of my heart.

Trapped

Here you find yourself;
Trapped in another guy's room.
You wonder if you will ever sleep tonight.
Dollars; you have to make a few.

Kisses like poison.
Your feelings have been played too hard,
And you have been hurting too long.
Your moral compass is broken.

Nothing seems wrong.

You were never good with creating mirrors with smoke.
You laugh at yourself and ask if this life is a joke.

You curl into yourself,
And you press your back away from him.
Looks like your love has gone cold.
But if you're going to play games with me...

Your story will not go untold. 

A boney spine is the outcome of what you do.
The scars on your arms highlight your veins of blue.
And I'll just pull you inclose because I understand you.

I will hold you like Katniss; the way Katniss holds Rue.

Your a game inside a puzzle;
A piece within chess.
Now go out and find your next victim,
Put on that tight dress.

You are blinded by faith and light.
When are you going to wake up?
You are trapped in an empty space;
A boxer with no one in her corner.

     Wake up;
                   Wake
                    Up
                   To
                  Face

             The
                   Horror. 

Pass Me A Note Sweetheart (Because I'm Always Here)

Alright.
Okay.
Let's burn some more bridges today.

I've fallen off the ledge,
I'm grasping onto two ropes.
One is pulling me up while I hold onto the other by the fingertips.
What happens when he cuts his own throat?

Sweetheart, what are you doing?
What...What are you doing to yourself?

Why can't you see who you are hurting?
You are hurting everyone, and you're pushing them away.
I'm picking up the casualties of people who are trying to save you.

I can't save you.
But I know you want to listen.
Do you want to hear my voice again?
God.. I'd sure love an answer. 

I can see you.
You're pale with a glow of lost in your eyes.
That's not how you see yourself. 
But, you're a mirror of what I once was and:

The
Mirror
Never
Lies.

I lay myself down with a strange person,
Very unfamiliar to me.
He was your best friend one though, right?

I think he came in somewhere between loving me and losing me.
You just want to replace me.

Pass me a note,
Because I know you think about me.

Do you feel bad?
Are you sad when you stop thinking about me?

Yes?
No?
Maybe?
So?

You're wrapped up in it.
And that is such a dangerous thing to do; nothing I can do.
I can stay pushed into the back of your mind.

But for how long?
 Everything has turned out so horribly wrong.
I've missed you ever since I decided that you were long gone.

I'm always here.
But that's something that you don't want me to be.
I'll just be that ghost of a best friend; lost in your own identity.  

13 Reasons Why

I'm so caught up in giving in,
I'm looking for an easy way out.
But, nothing.
Nothing is ever easy.

I keep saying to myself,
"Let me go. And then the rest will follow."
My heart is so weak and hollow.

I can't reach out anymore.
You all let me slip away.
13 Reasons Why.

Darlings, I made the tapes.

I don't want to hurt you.
You are all too sweet.
So I'll push them in a corner,
They will be mine forever to keep.

13.
Reasons.
Why.
..Maybe this will save me from truly saying goodbye. 

Rocky Horror Picture Show

All of my hate got caught on
       A
              Wrinkle
                             In
           Time.

Late at night;
Early morning's noon.
I ponder my future, alone in solitude.


If it were up to me..
No one would have to go hungry;
                           Searching
                                            An
                                                     Empty

                                                                     Pantry.

The wooden floors,
Allow for visitors to easily be heard.
Should this scare me?

Is life coming back at me for
                     Round
                  Two
Of
                   A Lesson
Well
Learned?

The walls stare back at me.
They wait to hear me scream.

I listen for the moon
    With.
         No.
            Reply. 

I listen to my memories
 Singing
           Lullabies. 

Twelve-oh-nine in the night time,
This is a perfect time for me.

I read the letters over and over.

I'm trying
 To find
                           Peace
                         Within
                     Me.

I hum to the wind chimes.
I created them you see.
Their tiny box advertizes:

Peace,
              Love
                         & Harmony.

I'm just trying to find all that inside of me.

Lay me down to sleep,
I pray to Lord that you not
     Let
Me
     Weep.

Let the beads catch the light,
I'll force a smile with all my might.

Someone's
        No
 Longer
                         Watching
               Out
                         For
                                       Me.

Kiss me.
Kiss me.
Now you're going to miss me.
    How cruel.

Everything
      In
 That
                    Statement
 Is
       True
             For
You.

Now do you just miss me?

My mind is best described as:
A
      Rocky
                                Horror
       Picture
                  Show.

See Me (The Photographer's Lover)

Messing around with a camera,
A click catches his smile.
I'm alright with this.
He can stay awhile.

Words are unnecessary,
They just get in the way.
We're running on a week here.
Doesn't really matter to me how long you stay.

I'm addicted.
I know you are too.
What is this going to be?
Are we really seeing this through?

You had to go,
Promised me you'd be right back.
Tiny tears began to fall from my eyes.
What is it that I really lack?

See me smile.
I'll believe you.
 I'll ignore all this denial.

  
Running on the fumes of candy and energy bars,
Wondering how much longer you can survive like this.
Pressing on anyways,
Pushing your limits. 

Beaches are the best places to mend a broken heart.
Or the worst,
Depending on if you reflect or reminisce..

Cry and blame it on some sand in your eyes.
It doesn't matter to me.
I just want you to be OK in the end.

We have another broken heart on the mend.

Come take a walk;
A walk on the dark side with me.

I'll show you something,
But if I do,
You have to promise not to run away.

You have to promise me you'll stay...

I wish I would have fought for more things than I let slip away.

Take me for what I am;
A firework packed with secrets just waiting to explode.

Someone help me,
I'm carrying a heavy load.

I hear you wear your heart on your sleeve.
I only wear tank tops.
Sorry to disappoint.

Beaten down underdog;Without anyone by her side.
All the while smiling..
I'm too high on life.

Somewhere through all these search lights,
I find my guiding light.

Scrolling down past names on a cellphone,
I shall never call any of them again.
These people hurt me most.

My heart was on the mend...

"Smile. Your beautiful."
What should that mean to me?
Beauty is only skin deep.
My body once again becomes my enemy.

See me.
You can't take you eyes of that camera lens.
You can't see me;
The me who is going to end up hurt in the end.

I left so many things in life unfinished.
I am stupid,
Because my heart thinks faster than my brain can.

But it's my heart telling me when to run.

That's where living hits me hard.
My lips are covered with battle scars.
Boxes and boxes of pictures; trying to find a person left in one of them that means something to me..

...That I meant something to.

Don't take this the wrong way.
Maybe I just don't have a picture of you. 
Or maybe you didn't have the heart to see me through.

See me.
Me who I am.

Don't change the lighting.
Don't airbrush my trials or hid my truths.
I'm the photographer's lover.
Everyone should know not to judge a book by its cover.