Noah's Poem

The only certain thing in life is death.
And in death there is life little boy.
A life that lovers spend all their time trying to know.
Run and run, His kingdom has come.

I whisper promises in his ear.
Promises in the form of scripture.

Lover of God,
Mother of God,
Raise my boy in your grace and mercy.
He is but a child a child so sweet.

We are all so small.
I'm scared to let you go.

Don't fear death.
And I will always remember.
Not the bones I see through your skin,
A whipped horse bears a heavier shame than you.

I wish I knew what I am trying to say,
What I am trying to get out, what I will no longer refrain.

Your so beautiful.
God, hear all of our prayers.

Take me,
I give it all to you.

Let me play God.
If only for a moment.
I want to bear the struggles that he faces.
Let me feel his pain so that he make come out of this smiling and unscathed. 

I Am A Lady In Spain

I am in love with a boy.
And his smile brings me joy.

His eyes are blue, like chlorine.
And if you look hard enough, they soften,

And you can see me.

 I am a lady in Spain.
Sunlight falls on me like an acidic rain.

A girl glares at me with her heavily lined eyes.
They look like a big pair of black sunglasses.

And I wonder if you can see past your own pride.

I shout out through smokers who come to here me sing.
They throw tips in my jar, right up to the brim.

And I wave goodbye to them to find life anew.

I am the tender of the bar.
Vodka is beginning to send me into a peaceful place.

And I daydream about cradling the stars. 

I was here.

Where does my confidence lay.
Everything around me seems to fade away.

I thought the abuse was over.
I thought that I could live for another, brighter day.

I was here..
Will anyone really know? 

I was going through some photographs.
And I stopped when I found one of you.

The things that I remember seem so unsure.
I question everything around me.
I'm sorry, for awhile you had me very well fooled.

I wish I knew how to get up after a punch,
But my I never can seem to get my legs up underneath me.

I lay there until my world grows dark,
And the walls are all done spinning.

The blood in my mouth is nothing.
It's a painful reminder of what could have been.

Things fall apart.
That's no one's fault..

Love has killed a dreamer.

Crashed

3:50 PM
78 MPH
Hollywood Fwy 170
January 1, 2013

Cars pass by,
They whirl all around me.
Now that I have set the scene,
Come along for the ride.

A white, elderly, bald man lags next to me,
Dry cleaning hanging on the little bars in the back seat that as a little girl,
I used to dangle or attempt a pushup on. 

A blonde girl around seventeen sits up at the edge of her seat; riding passenger.
Her spine is straight as a board.
She's pretty, but wears a skirt too tight for a date.
No doubt she is dressed to impress the boy driving his mom's Toyota truck.

An Asian couple drifts in and out of my blind spot in a red Subaru.
I find this couple opposites of the young boy and girl.
The man wears a tie and the woman rests her head in her hands in a deep sleep.
These two are comfortable with each other.

A minivan cruses comfortably in front of me.
It's a family.

I take my eyes off them to admire the shinny new cars in the Volvo of Calabasas.
I pat the dash of my old car.
She's old, yes.
But we are making good time.

The family looks like it consists of a little boy, no older than three,
And an older sister wrapped up in a blanket.  
Her mouth is open and drooling like a freshly caught
Fish.

The younger of the two sisters sits in the front seat writing and listening to her iPod.

The dad is very hispanic,
Mom appears to be pregnant again while she sits in the backseat,
Tending to a fussy little girl no older than
A year.

I continue to drive along this freeway,
And I can't help but think that I will never see,
Any of these people again.
In my life.

The three year old presses his hand up against the car window and smiles at me.

I enjoy acknowledging others,
Because even if they think no one cares,
I did.

My eyes scan the roads again.
I take in everything around me in a matter of seconds.

I can't help but wonder if these people around me have analyzed me the same way when,
    (I
       Wasn't
                  Looking.)

Everyone around me seems pleasantly content in there own shell of protection.
I almost wish I could reach out and touch their cars,
As if just by doing that,
I could be accepted into their lives.

The car to the side of me takes the next off ramp.
It seems stupid to say but,
I was a little emotionally attached.
Saddened.

But then I realize,
We are not connected.

All these people want of me is to continue west to their:

         Homes,

Dinners,

Dates,

Families,

and parties.

We are all so unconnected...

                        Until I hear a:

                                         .

                                         .

                                         .

                                               

Smash.

                              .

                            .

                                    .

                               A skid.

                                             .

                                       .

                                              . 

                                            .

 

And a scream escape my lips.

We are all so unconnected until a sudden crash,

Brings us all together.

Carrots and Sticks

It doesn't hurt anymore.
I used to think you'd changed.
But that's not true.

My perfect lover turned into the perfect fool.

Everyday with you was perfect.
Everyday with you was terrifying. 
I couldn't be sure whether I would be loved or hurt.

Carrots and sticks.

I was the mare,
And you were the whip.
Everyday my will was being broken.

But, I loved you more than I loved anything.

I was addicted.
You were new.
The doors you opened up for me...

Thank you. But, now I can't say I love you too...

You broke my heart.
You never appreciated me.
You made me feel so low.

There's so many things that I want you to know.

It doesn't hurt anymore.
You've surely not changed.
So... Why am I writing this?

I'm trying to save your next slave.

I Love You More Than Rain

The room lays dim.
But it isn't dark.
It is filled with love and forgotten fears.

The walls are cold,
And so are my feet.
I twist my body wildly around in the sheets.

I turn on my side.
I can feel rain coming in my bones.
Two strong and pale white arms wrap themselves under and around me.

The bed smells of sweat and perfume.
But I feel no shame.
That was awhile ago; I am clearing my name.

A movie plays.
It is a very depressing movie.
I drift off into a light sleep.

I can feel him around me.
He's already in my heart.
Brushing the hair out of my face; on my forehead he kisses me.

I slide my arms loosely around his neck.
He tips his head back and shuts his eyes.
My lips rest near the nape of his neck; we breathe quietly suspended in time.

I stretch out.
He has little bed room to work with.
I can feel his fingers tracing my lower back; it tickles.

I come back into consciousness long enough to know he's not there.
Little bursts of panic plague my chest.
I reach out until I have found his hand; a calm comes over me again.

My whole hand wraps around his pinky.
My other hand grabs for the collar on his shirt.
I drift off to sleep once more; feeling safe.

I feel him get up.
I don't know how much time has passed while he let me rest.
He fixes my shirt so that it covers my shoulders, tummy, and chest.

It could have been the movie..
It could just be my wishful thinking; my dreams hitting their strife.
But I swear I heard someone whisper,

"You are the love of my life."








 

Help Me Make Anything But Sense

I can't see anymore.
Disguises don't exist.  
I'm somewhere in Neverland.

The truth is,
I can't seem to find it.
Can you tell me what everything is about?

I'm thinking about
Everything.
And nothing.

I'm anonymous.
I'm anonymous.
So shut the Hell up voices.

I am a fighter,
Losing a fight I can't see.
There are invisible people in my corner; they are cheering for me.  

The memories keep pouring back it seems,
The older I get.
I wake up to those days flowing back one by one.

I am the black hatter.
Just call me love.
Love is always the answer.

Best friends forever but,
Will you chance it?
He calls me beautiful.

I'm not even a good dancer.
But I dance till my feet bleed.
Happiness is frightening.
 
I would say your name,
But you'll never see
It.

Come back.
And let me be.
Let me be your friend again.

There are too many sides of me.
It's night time in my mind,
I need help just as much as you..

I'm writing letters that will never reach heaven.
Pain my nails red.
Now I am broken.

I had a dream,
And it never felt more
Real.

My wrist wouldn't stop bleeding.
I could feel the pain.
And it hurt so bad but I wouldn't cry out in shame.

I didn't seek help.
I knew no one would listen.
It should have been scary; I wasn't frightened.

Sense
But
Anything.

Make
Me
Help.