Skinny Dipper

I ran beside you tonight.
I looked into your crystal blue eyes; illuminated by the full moon's light.
My eyes only grew darker as the night drew in the darkness.
Because I know tonight I can get lost in you,
Never having to think about me.
Who I am,
And what I have done..

None of that matters.

I snag on the barbwire, as my bracelet made from yarn and beads holds me back.
I find it to be very symbolic.
I'm caught on the borderline.
It is the borderline between my past and my peace of mind.

I hesitate,
Just for a moment.

I slit the bracelet down the middle.

Another bridge burned as I continue crawling on my way;
Under marked off areas and caution tape,
Ignoring the signs I no longer care to read.
Those signs had held me back.

I held onto my fears and "what if's" when I stayed on the safe side.
But not tonight.
Tonight I kept running.   

I find peace in the way the darkness hugs my curves.
No boy could ever envelop me so perfectly.

I'm naked.
But at the same time I've never felt more concealed.

I walk toward the water.
I stop at the point where the sand turns to mud; letting it seep in between my toes.

I laugh.
Because I've never felt more beautiful.

Someone comes up behind me,
Brushing his fingers through my dramatically shorter hair.  
I tug at the tips,
And when I turn...

No one is there.

I let my self feel tired.
Laying down on the bank,
I sleep.
When I wake up,
I have been crying.
And this time,

There is someone holding me.

I sit up.
And he tells me to go into the water.
I can't swim.
But it doesn't matter.
Because he slowly begins nudging me in.

I let myself go, as the water swallows me up.
I don't think I even made a ripple in the water.
I'm not fighting anymore.

Everything feels so cool and dream like.
As if I could get lost in this world,
And never have to return to the surface.

I dive farther under,
When I look up,
I am not afraid.

I am too far gone.
So I stay suspended in contentment.

I know that when I return to the surface and ask,
"Did you miss me?"
I will only get a shocked reply of,
"Oh! You were gone?"

Tonight,
The world was mine.

I wait for the moment when I can feel my lungs are about ready to burst.
I pull my legs under me, like a ball being held under.
I'm practically waiting for a referee to blow a whistle; signalling some kind of foul.

I push for the surface,
Because lately water seems to be my worst fear.

The first thing I see,
Is my own face being reflected back at myself.  
It's coming from two blue eyes that have been searching for me. 

The water laps up around us,
He's pulling me close.
I can feel his steady breathing on my neck; steam's on the lake from our soft voices colliding.

My body is tight,
Most likely from the cold chill present on this summer night.

My hair lets beads of water drip down,
Reminding me of my total bareness.
Tonight I will sleep in sheets laced with a spider's delicate web.

I will lay on my back,
Finally in touch with myself.
I kissed the air,
And kissed my own broken heart; hoping that my own kiss holds the same power to heal as others.

I know it isn't fair,
To expect you to know what I want.

But I lay here tonight,
Eyes closed and excepting;
Ready to give myself to you.

His hands are around my waist,
But this time, no one needs to hold me up.

I'm going to swim on my own.