Carrots and Sticks

It doesn't hurt anymore.
I used to think you'd changed.
But that's not true.

My perfect lover turned into the perfect fool.

Everyday with you was perfect.
Everyday with you was terrifying. 
I couldn't be sure whether I would be loved or hurt.

Carrots and sticks.

I was the mare,
And you were the whip.
Everyday my will was being broken.

But, I loved you more than I loved anything.

I was addicted.
You were new.
The doors you opened up for me...

Thank you. But, now I can't say I love you too...

You broke my heart.
You never appreciated me.
You made me feel so low.

There's so many things that I want you to know.

It doesn't hurt anymore.
You've surely not changed.
So... Why am I writing this?

I'm trying to save your next slave.

I Love You More Than Rain

The room lays dim.
But it isn't dark.
It is filled with love and forgotten fears.

The walls are cold,
And so are my feet.
I twist my body wildly around in the sheets.

I turn on my side.
I can feel rain coming in my bones.
Two strong and pale white arms wrap themselves under and around me.

The bed smells of sweat and perfume.
But I feel no shame.
That was awhile ago; I am clearing my name.

A movie plays.
It is a very depressing movie.
I drift off into a light sleep.

I can feel him around me.
He's already in my heart.
Brushing the hair out of my face; on my forehead he kisses me.

I slide my arms loosely around his neck.
He tips his head back and shuts his eyes.
My lips rest near the nape of his neck; we breathe quietly suspended in time.

I stretch out.
He has little bed room to work with.
I can feel his fingers tracing my lower back; it tickles.

I come back into consciousness long enough to know he's not there.
Little bursts of panic plague my chest.
I reach out until I have found his hand; a calm comes over me again.

My whole hand wraps around his pinky.
My other hand grabs for the collar on his shirt.
I drift off to sleep once more; feeling safe.

I feel him get up.
I don't know how much time has passed while he let me rest.
He fixes my shirt so that it covers my shoulders, tummy, and chest.

It could have been the movie..
It could just be my wishful thinking; my dreams hitting their strife.
But I swear I heard someone whisper,

"You are the love of my life."








 

Help Me Make Anything But Sense

I can't see anymore.
Disguises don't exist.  
I'm somewhere in Neverland.

The truth is,
I can't seem to find it.
Can you tell me what everything is about?

I'm thinking about
Everything.
And nothing.

I'm anonymous.
I'm anonymous.
So shut the Hell up voices.

I am a fighter,
Losing a fight I can't see.
There are invisible people in my corner; they are cheering for me.  

The memories keep pouring back it seems,
The older I get.
I wake up to those days flowing back one by one.

I am the black hatter.
Just call me love.
Love is always the answer.

Best friends forever but,
Will you chance it?
He calls me beautiful.

I'm not even a good dancer.
But I dance till my feet bleed.
Happiness is frightening.
 
I would say your name,
But you'll never see
It.

Come back.
And let me be.
Let me be your friend again.

There are too many sides of me.
It's night time in my mind,
I need help just as much as you..

I'm writing letters that will never reach heaven.
Pain my nails red.
Now I am broken.

I had a dream,
And it never felt more
Real.

My wrist wouldn't stop bleeding.
I could feel the pain.
And it hurt so bad but I wouldn't cry out in shame.

I didn't seek help.
I knew no one would listen.
It should have been scary; I wasn't frightened.

Sense
But
Anything.

Make
Me
Help. 

Little Things

If you had given me the chance,
I could have loved you forever.

Toast with me to fairytale endings.

The perfect life.
The perfect something.
The perfect someone.

Don't you dream if it too?

Look into my eyes.
Love me.
I want to feel it in my soul.

Promise me that you will never let me go.

I want you to understand every little part of me.